This Flash game by Argentine developer Daniel Benmergui presents a scene with a woman in a rowboat looking up at a man sitting on the moon. As the player you can snap photos of different portions of the scene and move them around, leading to different resolutions of the scenario. Is this some sort of romantic game that I'm too aro to understand? I do remember this game making the rounds in the late 2000s and being held up as evidence on the pro side of the burgeoning "can video games be art?" debate. Personally I have always found this debate tedious and misguided, proving nothing except that "art" is a poorly defined term which is used to arbitrarily judge elements of culture as worthy or unworthy. So that's probably why I never clicked any of the links to I Wish I Were the Moon.
Coming to it now, my strongest impression is that it doesn't demonstrate anything about art, but it does demonstrate (yet again) that I am extremely aromantic. The game is supposed to be a representation of a love triangle; I do know that. But it makes my brain do the thing that it's been doing my entire life, which is to interpret romantic scenarios that I don't understand as anything other than what they are intended to be. (My brain does this especially with songs, which tend to be worded vaguely enough that it's easy to do. This breakup song could be about a friendship turning sour! This passionate love ballad could be about any kind of love and it doesn't even have to be about a person! It could be about a city or a fandom or a celestial body!!)
So what is the moon in this game? It's something the man loves which is separating him from the woman in the rowboat. Who says it has to be a person? It could be his career or his faith or his family or just about anything! I guess you could argue that one of the essential qualities of art is that it's open to interpretation, but let's not and say we did.
The 2008 version of I Wish I Were the Moon is playable in a Flash emulator here. In 2022 the developer also offered a free remaster on his itch.io page here, but I have to say I think it lacks some of the charm of the original.
Time I would've spent writing this evening was spent on cooking risotto for lunch and filling out tax forms as best I could. I opened the document and poked at it a bit to feel something and say I'd at least poked at it, and that helped me relax from the taxes enough I can think about doing something else with the night. Not much, but something else.
It's probably just going to be a couple days' of Stardew Valley, though.
AO3 Link | Not Alone (300 words) by Merfilly Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Justice League (Franchise) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: J'onn J'onnz & Dinah Lance Characters: J'onn J'onzz, Dinah Lance Additional Tags: +Modern Age (1986-Present), Post-Crisis, Triple Drabble Summary:
After everything with the White Martians and his brother, Dinah is there
Not Alone
The next time J'onn woke, it was no longer Bruce with him, but Dinah. He closed his eyes once more, strangely loathe to have her be the one to see him this reduced.
He knew he would be just as bad with Arthur.
There was an unspoken bond between the three of them, the last of the five original that had faced the Appellaxian warriors, leading to the formation of the Justice League in its original incarnation. For one of them to be reduced nearly to destruction —
"You mean like when Arthur's entire world was brought down around his ears and we nearly lost him to grief-madness? Or when I got myself stupidly caught and died at least twice on the hospital table?"
He had to open his eyes, chagrin among his emotions as he realized the telepathic connection had not been shielded at all. She moved from the chair and got up in the recovery bed with him, careful of the tech monitoring his status.
"You were upset that neither of us reached out, that we locked you out of being able to help us then. And we got the point. We three, we have each other, among the many we've brought in since then.
"Let me in, and Arthur as soon as he gets free, so we can help you recover."
J'onn didn't trust his mind or his voice to express any of what he was feeling, but she reacted, bringing a hand up along one angular cheek as she settled her head on his shoulder.
"You're not broken. You had to make a very harsh, hateful call against a man you shared a genetic pattern with. And you did so at great cost to yourself.
"But you will heal. And we are with you the whole way."
Dinah can't handle being the reason... but can see why.
Reasons
"What the fuck was that?"
Renee looked at the singer turned vigilante and didn't have a great answer for her, Dinah just knew, seeing it in the woman's fading fear — for Dinah — and the drop of her eyes.
"Got a little nervy is all," she decided to say. "Cop reflexes, all that."
Dinah's eyes went narrow, before she sucked in a breath and spun away, unleashing the full Cry on the alley, stopping the gang advance, pinning several with trash bins and debris from the sheer force of it.
Her gaze flicked to the rapist-murderer laying there, dead from a single shot through his forehead.
"Let's get outta here." She stalked off, knowing good and damn well no one would look too close into the death, that Renee wouldn't pay the price for the killing —
— but Dinah would have rather never have been the reason Renee squeezed off the round.
Renee followed; Dinah hadn't told her not to, and they really needed to hash this out without Harley or the kid or anyone else butting in.
"You held your mom's death against me for years."
The quiet words, spoken three blocks over, threw cold water on Dinah's temper.
"I don't. Not now. She… she made choices too."
"Yeah, but… I knew what those choices cost you, and I hate it. I can't… you… I need you to make it out of this shit alive."
Dinah took a breath, then another, before she put a hand on Renee's forearm. "Goes both ways, now. I need you to keep breathing, kicking ass with me, and make it count when we finally decide we can walk away.
"Not for mom. For me."
"Yeah, I get that. I'm going to try harder to remember you make your own choices, but it's hard."
I liked this book when it was a fantasy noir starring a biracial knife-throwing assassin with magic hands in 1940s New York who's trying to get out of the business but keeps getting pulled back in. But that book wraps up about a third of the way through the actual book. Then it turns into a completely different book where the assassin moves upstate with her boyfriend and the story becomes about slimy small town politics and the characters' profound guilt for their actions in the city, and I became increasingly confused about what the book was trying to do and decreasingly satisfied with my reading experience.
Part of the problem is that Dev (the boyfriend) kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't feel invested in the romance between him and Phyllis (the assassin), so shifting the focus more to their relationship was not going to work well for me. I actually liked both characters less and less as the book went on, and by the end I was feeling pretty fed up with both of them. A late promotion to the group of main characters is Tamara, Dev's ex, who comes to have a close bond with Phyllis as well. There is some interesting complexity to the dynamic of this trio, but I ended up frustrated with the way it was handled.
relationship endgame spoilersIt seemed to me that this was going in a poly triad direction, and then backed off of it. And I mean... it's not not poly. Phyllis, Dev, and Tamara have a one-night threesome, and Tamara also has a boyfriend who's deployed overseas, and in general it is not a book that assumes people only love one person at a time. I did appreciate that. What specifically threw me was this passage in Tamara's POV:
Sure, she and Phyllis had kissed that night with Dev and even now, in certain light, she didn't mind the notion of touching Pea [Phyllis] until she came. But the love she felt wasn't really that kind—it was a blood love, a bone love, and it ricocheted off of her other loves at unexpected angles.
Maybe I'm misreading the author's intention in pushing away the idea that Tamara's love for Phyllis is "that kind", or maybe I'm misunderstanding what "that kind" is supposed to be. But to me it read like the poly dynamic was being held at arm's length, which was not the direction I'd hoped it would go. I guess the Tamara/Phyllis relationship is ambiguous and not clearly defined as (queer)platonic or romantic, which sometimes I like, but the way it was presented here didn't land for me. I also didn't understand what we were supposed to take away from the reveal of how the magic in the book works.
worldbuilding and plot spoilersOnly certain rare people have magic, and only people of color. It's eventually shown that the magic is a gift from their ancestors, who intended for their descendants to use it to fight white oppression. But if the ancestors are displeased with how the magic is used, the magic can turn against its holder or disappear completely. This explains why Phyllis loses control of her hands—the ancestors wanted her to assassinate the sadistic mob boss Vic (who is white), but by that point Phyllis wanted to stop killing so she didn't do it. She spends the rest of the book trying to make amends for the murders she's committed, yet her hands continue to torment her for not killing Vic, and she eventually sickens and dies. Dev, who also has magic, does kill Vic, and is tortured by guilt for the rest of the book, and he also dies. Tamara has magic too, and also becomes consumed with guilt because even though she never hurt anyone directly, she worked for Vic and looked the other way; she tries to sacrifice herself to save Phyllis but doesn't succeed.
To me it ended up reading like the characters were being punished for not living up to binding magical agreements that they never consented to or even knew about, which override their own agency and moral convictions. What are the ancestors trying to accomplish here? How does any of this help in the fight against racism? We're told that magic is getting rarer, but it's not really explained why. I know it's not because people of color in the 1940s don't need the help, and I can't imagine the author is saying it's because they're not worthy of it, but... what, then? Phyllis and Dev's daughter is supposed to have extraordinary powers, but I don't think that's explained either and I didn't have a clear sense of what she's expected to do. The whole cosmology of the book didn't make sense to me. It sucks because I find Johnson's prose excellent, and the first third worked so well for me. I really didn't want to have to say I don't like this book! But alas, here we are.
The Life You Build (18285 words) by Hannah Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Top Gun (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell Characters: Ron "Slider" Kerner, Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Ron "Slider" Kerner is a Good Friend, Jewish Tom "Iceman" Kazansky, Catholic Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Don't Ask Don't Tell, dishonorable discharge, Los Angeles, Gay Pride, Gay Wrath Summary:
§ 925. Art. 125. Sodomy
(a) Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.
(b) Any person found guilty of sodomy shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.
-
I officially have a new record for walking in late to a fandom with Starbucks. It's how I've come to describe joining an established fandom, looking around at what's been written, trying to find a story that seems like it ought to have arrived by now, struggling to believe I have to do it myself, and having to do it myself. The last times I've done this for specific fandoms, it was about 21 years since their debuts, both for Deep Space Nine - Julian Bashir never getting the genetic modifications, with DS9 coming out in 1993 and the fic getting published in 2014 - and for Buffy - an all-human AU where it's still Sunnydale, Buffy living on into retirement and enjoying her life, achieving status as public figure, her and Spike simply making a wish to have a baby, with Buffy coming out in 1997 and the first of several fics getting published in 2018.
There's been a handful of times it's been for tropes and general ideas that could go to just about any fandom, like that one I wrote for mpreg where the technology to get men pregnant was developed to achieve maternity leave reform in the United States and the character exploration simply happened to be for the show Scrubs when it could just as easily have been for any number of reasonably grounded fandoms that take place in what's more or less the real world. In fact, I'm certain there's a few fandoms where having that level of medical technology in the background would have the canon make somewhat more sense given what we see them do. And it wasn't a take on mpreg I'd ever seen before. I just happened to wander in after several decades of fandom and do it myself.
I've made a habit of doing this, and like I said, I have a new record for it.
Because in the forty years this fandom's been around, nobody's written anything where Iceman and Maverick are dishonorably discharged from the Navy. Nothing. There's been fics that tackle the culture of secrecy, or Don't Ask Don't Tell, or the legalization of gay marriage in the US. There's been fics that take place in a much kinder world where it's not an issue. There's been fics that skip past it because it doesn't work with the kind of story the author's trying to write. But there hasn't been anything about receiving a dishonorable discharge and living with what comes after.
Lawrence versus Texas happened when I was in high school. I saw Don't Ask Don't Tell come and go. I remember the pictures from the San Francisco courthouse and the wave of joy from Obergefell. I like to say that fandoms like Top Gun deliver a particular type of yearning you can't get anywhere else, especially not contemporary ones, and a lot of that's from the world those fandoms take place in. It's not a world most people want to visit, and it's the world I grew up in. I didn't mind going back there for a while.
Sometimes I feel like people forget how recent all of this is. Forty years is a long time for a movie to be around, and for people to be writing fic about that movie. For the idea to have taken this long to arrive speaks to what the fandom wants to write about. I can understand that people would rather avoid this kind of thing. Just as much, I can't grasp why nobody else thought to give it a try. I'll admit to being a little proud for being the first one to do it, and a little grateful that this is a reflection of the world that was, not the world that is.
Got up yesterday morning baked 4 loaves of soda bread (here's a picture of 2 of them), ate some myself (I kept the 4th loaf) then schlepped out ot the island to deliver them to my brother, sister, and niece.
We went out for a fun dinner - the onion rings at this place are so good! even if the service was a little haphazard - and then I went home with my brother's family. It was early enough that I could have come back here, but my middle niece was like, "aren't you going to hang out with us?!" so of course I stayed, and ended up watching KPop Demon Hunters with middle and youngest niece (youngest was like I don't wanna! but at the end she was like, that was really good!). I should note that they are 27 and 24, but they still like hanging out with me! <333 And now we want the prequel about Rumi's mother and her demon affair.
My car this morning came 90 minutes early, so I rolled out of bed expecting to be able to have a bagel and a cup of coffee before I had to leave, but there he was, blocking the driveway, so I got home before I was even scheduled to leave.
The amount of benadryl and Zyrtec I have to take at their house because of the cat is ridiculous, and I ended up coming home and sleeping for most of the day. I'm glad I didn't cancel my PTO day tomorrow though - I scheduled it when this dinner was originally planned for tonight. I did tell my boss she could ping me if she needed me ahead of their meeting with the board chair tomorrow afternoon, but I so hope she doesn't.
AO3 Link | Sound of Crashing (300 words) by Merfilly Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: DC Comics (General) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lian Harper & Dinah Lance Characters: Dinah Lance, Lian Harper Additional Tags: Triple Drabble, Slice of Life, +Modern Age (1986-Present), Post-Crisis Summary:
Dinah is babysitting...
Sound of Crashing
The moment she heard the crash, Dinah was on her feet and moving, uncaring what had been broken as long as it wasn't that little girl who had stolen her heart. She skidded into the kitchen before Lian had made her escape from the counter, the drawers askew to let Dinah know how the girl had gotten up there on it. She was beside the refrigerator, from which the ceramic cookie jar in the shape of a coyote had tumbled to the floor.
The cookie jar was not salvageable. Lian's face was a picture of contriteness, and Dinah just moved to get her down.
"You sit on right here, Dart," Dinah said, depositing her on the kitchen table which was at least lower than the counter. "Until I get the pieces swept up, the floor is lava and you don't have firefighter boots!"
"Didn't mean to break Mąʼii."
"I know, sweetie. And you did a lot of problem solving to figure out how to get it while I was on the phone. But next time, you should ask, and I can help." Dinah found the broom and a bucket, picking up the larger pieces before sweeping up the rest of the debris. She's need to get a box or a large jug to put the shards in, but for now, she just wanted it off the floor.
"Okay, so I need to find a new cookie jar, and we're going to need new cookies," Dinah said. "Ready to go shopping?"
"Yes!"
Dinah reached for the girl, picking her up and settling her on a hip, even if Lian was a little big for that, especially for her shortness. She hugged Lian tight, glad nothing had been hurt on her.
In the continuing adventures of revisiting grad school food, tonight's dinner was egg fried rice made from leftover congee and some stuff I had in the fridge and the freezer. I hadn't realized how much I'd been craving sodium and salt until I took a whiff of the soy sauce. I've been drinking tea and water, and even some electrolyte mixes, but nothing quite that satisfying. So the soy sauce helped considerably.
Most of the day's energy went towards returning some library books. Beyond that, it's slow, it's sluggish. Slugging along, even. Every so often, my ears clear for a few moments and the relief is blissful. There's a mix of not having much energy and not having much to do that's contributing to a sense of inertia, which I'm not sure I can be bothered to mind too much about at the moment.
I'm going to be doing a little maintenance today. It will likely cause a tiny interruption of service (specifically for www.dreamwidth.org) on the order of 2-3 minutes while some settings propagate. If you're on a journal page, that should still work throughout!
If it doesn't work, the rollback plan is pretty quick, I'm just toggling a setting on how traffic gets to the site. I'll update this post if something goes wrong, but don't anticipate any interruption to be longer than 10 minutes even in a rollback situation.
When I was a kid I had two artillery games: Tank Wars and QBasic Gorillas. Left: Tank Wars. Right: QBasic Gorillas Both games share the same basic concept. You and your opponent sit on opposite ends of a battlefield and take turns lobbing projectiles at one another in parabolic arcs, adjusting the angle and power of each shot to try to land a hit.
Tank Wars, created by Kenneth Morse, allows you to customize a myriad of game options, from windspeed to the color of the sky. You can play hotseat multiplayer, or if you have a keyboard and a mouse (fancy!) you and a friend can huddle around the computer together and split the controls. If your friends are unavailable there are CPU opponents of various levels of skill, from "Mr. Stupid" to "Wind Master". As you rack up points you can buy bombs with different blast radii, and when you win the terrain blows up in a satisfying crater and rains back down on the field in an elaborate shower of pixels.
QBasic Gorillas came with MS-DOS 5.0 and was created by Microsoft as a demonstration of the capabilities of the QBasic programming language. You and your opponent are gorillas who throw exploding bananas, and when you win, you do the Monkey.
Tank Wars is, I suppose, the "better" of the two games, in the sense of having more sophisticated graphics and gameplay. But does it have dancing gorillas? Does it have exploding bananas? Does it have a cartoon sun that makes a face like 😮 if you manage to hit it? I ask you. I did play both games a lot, but I know which one was more appealing to my sensibilities as a child of 8-9 years of age.
1. I found a tiny snail on the wall INSIDE the house. How did it get there? Where is it going?
2. What I thought was a weird-looking vase revealed itself to be a crystal singing bowl. I can see why enthusiasts are SO enthusiastic about it. The sound sort of vibrates upwards and it's almost a physical feeling once it hits.
3. One week until I leave Chichester and head to Cardiff! If you have any recommendations for charity shops, used bookstores, small museums or other interesting places to while away time, let me know.
The other day, I ripped a hole in the armpit of a Threadless t-shirt. This is only notable because I checked and I'd gotten that shirt almost 16 years ago. It's gotten some wear and tear over the years, especially in the seams for the sleeves, and I don't know if this specific rip is repairable or not. I don't want to throw it out - it's still a good "lounging around the apartment" shirt - but what I'm tempted to do is to buy a new one as close as I can get, and see how the materials are different. Aside from the nearly 16 years of wear and wash, that is.
They're having a sale, too. Inflation means it won't come out close to the same price, even taking that into account, but it'd make for a decent excuse. I've collected enough t-shirts since college that I can go at least two months without repeating one, easily. Three, if I decide to wear the ones I got as podcast promotions as part of the regular rotation instead of being "travel" shirts. It's not something where I've sat down and counted, or even sorted through. I've just collected and worn them. And, frankly, I don't see much reason to stop. As has been said, at least it beats heroin.
I finally got some Minute Maid frozen orange juice concentrate and Orange Julius take 2 is way better than the watery version I made last month. Woo!
Tomorrow, I have to get up early and bake Irish soda bread to take to the family - we are going out for St. Patrick's Day dinner (and also the NINTH[!!!!!] anniversary of my father's death - it is his recipe I use; I miss him a lot).
TV quick takes:
Shrinking: ( spoilers ) Anyway, the first few episodes of this show are a little tough to take but it has morphed into a funny, endearing, poignant hangout comedy and I recommend it! Harrison Ford is SO GOOD in it too.
A dash of snow came down around two thirty and again around six. Not enough to stick around, but enough to notice it wasn't rain. It was one of the more exciting moments of a day brought low by a cold. The ENT doctor yesterday and two rapid tests this morning are decent enough confirmation I can accept that's all it is, which is as cold a comfort as I can get these days.
I can't remember when I bought them, but the tonics I got from the herb farm at the farmer's market seem to be doing a better job of calming my throat down than anything else I've tried. As that's all I want them for, I'll stick with what seems to be working. Anything for a good night's sleep. There's only so many pots of tea you can drink in a day.
subtitle that didn't fit in the subject line: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between
I'm going to say this prominently because I think it has caused some confusion among reviewers: This is a book by two nonbinary authors and the title is Life Isn't Binary, and it is NOT (primarily) about nonbinary gender identity! If you want a book that is primarily about nonbinary gender identity, this book may not give you what you're looking for!
Instead, it is about problems with binary thinking in all areas of life. There is a tendency for people to view many things in terms of two categories in opposition. Male/female and cis/trans, yes, but also Black/white, straight/gay, privileged/marginalized, body/mind, emotion/logic, friend/lover, us/them. The book examines and deconstructs these binaries and more, and encourages thinking about who currently benefits from their resultant flattening of nuance, and what we could gain from framing concepts in a less polarized way.
The book is short but extremely densely packed with ideas. I read it as a two-person book club with dragonque, and every chapter elicited fruitful discussion about its points and how they related to our own lives and experiences. I have known dragonque for a long time and I feel like I got to know them much better through talking about this book!
I do think at times it can feel too dense and too short for the vast scope of its thesis. The authors can state in one sentence an absolutely massive idea that could itself be an entire book, and that's the only thing they say about it because they're already on to the next point. (The authors have in fact collaborated on several other books which sound like they may elaborate on some of the things where I was like, "so, that's all you're going to say about that one? okay!")
But I found the book very worthwhile and thought-provoking, and after returning it to the library I bought my own copy because I expect I will be re-reading it, referring to it, or wanting to lend it to people.
Despite bad sleep last night, I got up and got going this morning. I ran just over 2.3 miles in 30 minutes as a new personal record, and took the stairs up to the gym also. I visited an ear-nose-throat specialist and was told I don't need to panic, and hearing it from a professional makes that a good deal easier. I went to a coffee shop on Madison Avenue that was fancy by Madison Avenue standards, got a vanilla latte and a glass of orange juice that were unfortunately both worth the high price tag, wrote some in my notebook, deliberately overtipped, and rode a bike back through Central Park.
I cooked monster sauce for the first time in a long time - so called because it's doctored up out of spare parts. A can of this, half a can of that. Some of this, more of that. It's always tomato based and it's about the only thing I make entirely on vibes. I ate it a lot in grad school, but haven't for years. The timing seemed right to do it tonight.
I did some editing and managed to get my stuff together enough to send out a query letter. I'm gearing up to wait for the rejection while also reminding myself any submission is a good one to stay in practice for the task.
I've gotten lovely notes and great cards, and all that would make it a good birthday. But all that could have gone aside and it'd still be a wonderful birthday. Because some weeks ago, I preordered an album and it arrived today. An album I'd waited weeks for, and months, and an album I could say I waited years for without knowing it. Because for well over a decade, I'd specify the difference between my favorite band presently making music and my favorite band no longer making music. And now I can't make that distinction quite so easily anymore.
Because after 19 years, Voxtrot released their second album.
19 years ago, I was in college. I was looking out towards the Pacific Ocean, drinking a jack and coke because that's what I'd been able to get the courage to buy for myself. I hadn't written any novels, or any fics of substantial length, either. I'd barely learned how to finish what I'd started.
19 years ago, I'd only seen the world end once.
This isn't an album the band could've made back then. They didn't have the broader maturity or experience on display here. It's still Voxtrot, beautifully so, and it's as rich and tasty and filling as ever. I don't know how I'd have taken it if they'd released it 17 years ago, 15, 10. Nineteen years. I've traveled the world and seen it end and seen it come back. I've said goodbye to people without knowing it was the last time, and welcomed more into my life. I've gone dancing and singing and been kissed a few times. There's things I'd change about the last 19 years, and few of them are about my life and what I've been doing.
It took Voxtrot 19 years to make another finely cut gem of an album that I think is better than their first.
I don't love that Nolan McLean gave up 2 home runs in the same inning in this game, but I do love that Team Italia celebrates with an Armani blazer and an espresso (they literally have an espresso machine in the dugout and if someone hits a homer, he gets a shot) and then the team captain kisses the guy while everyone else does this: 🤌
*
Work is currently bananas. Listen, I have a whole document I wrote on how to change/streamline board stuff to foster discussion and engagement, but we were supposed to do it methodically and not implement it until the June meeting, except now we are doing it NOW, and everything got upended in the stupidest way possible. I maybe kind of couldn't control how irritated I am about it because it is basically making me do double the amount of work and is seems to me like it is just going to achieve the exact opposite of what we want it to, but apparently this is coming directly from the new board chair. I told my boss that if I am right, and that this doesn't do what they think it is going to, I might not say it, but I will be thinking the world's biggest "I told you so." And she was like, that's fair. Sigh.
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